Monday, February 24, 2014

My Favourite Child

Back when my friend Karen had her second child, she said something on her Facebook I have never forgotten.  She said your first child shows you how deep your love can go, and your second child shows you how wide your love can spread.  I held on to that brilliant thought even though at the time, we weren't even planning for a second.

Growing up I always assumed every parent had a favourite.  Of course, I was sure I was the favourite out of myself and my two sisters.  After all, I was the first baby, the oldest, and of course, it felt like I was the favourite based on how wonderfully I was treated by both my parents.  As I grew up, I realized I wasn't so sure if I was the favourite or not.  To make matters more complicated, on at least one occasion each of my two sisters has revealed to me that they are, in fact, the favourite.  I quickly learned it didn't really matter who the favourite actually was, but perhaps the mark of good parenting was that you made all your children feel like it was them.

Nice trick, mom and dad.

Myself and Boy #1

All this being said, I was terrified to have another child, for fear that I could never possibly love a second child as much as I love Aias. After all, I love Aias with every ounce of my being, and he's basically been the centre of my life since I first saw the second line on that pee stick.  Not to mention he had a 4 year 2 month head start on his brother.  I worried that secretly all parents had favourites, but that it was just an incredibly taboo thing to discuss, so it never came up.

I figured that after having a second child, I'd be kidnapped in the night by cloaked parents and brought to a secret temple where I'd be sworn to secrecy about the TRUTH... that all parents have favourites but they must never reveal that it's so!

Alas, this did not happen (or did it!?). When Azi was born, I finally got it.  The answer to my 30 years of wondering: you can actually love both children the same.  It's so incredibly difficult to process, and even more so to articulate, but it's possible.  What's more, it's not even difficult to love them the same.  It's actually easy, due in part to how incredibly different they are.  But also because of all the ways they are the same.

And even though he's only been here for 8 weeks, it feels like he's been here forever.  So there you have it, folks.  30 years of wondering has come to an end.

Myself and Boy #2

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