Tuesday, April 30, 2013

A True Story of Nosiness and Noisiness

The following is a real and true account of a ridiculous situation I lived through this morning.

I had a doctor's appointment this morning and I had Aias in tow.  He was actually in a fantastic mood since I was seeing the doctor, not him.  He kept saying that I needed to get a needle.

Once we got into the examination room to wait for the doctor, Aias started fiddling with a folder of information packets that was attached to the wall.  He had a particular interest in the syphilis folder.

He played with the folder through the brief appointment and then it was time to leave.  He asked the doctor if he could keep the syphilis folder and the doctor said he could have one information sheet, but not the whole thing. Aias was angry about this, as he wanted all or nothing.  Then he asked the doctor why I didn't get a needle.  I explained that I didn't need a needle, and Aias screamed "YES YOU NEED A NEEDLE!"

I let him know I was sorry that he couldn't take the folder full of sheets, and I was sorry I didn't get a needle and that this was upsetting to him, but that it was time to leave the room.

This was when the inconsolable rage screaming began.

The doctor had since gone and a person was trying to come in to change the paper on the examination table.  Aias wouldn't move.  I picked him up and we went into the waiting room, trying desperately to exit the building entirely, but he wouldn't stop screaming "GIVE MY MOM A NEEDLE! GIVE MY MOM A NEEDLE! GIVE MY MOM A NEEDLE!" over. And over. And over. And over again. 

I picked him up and sat him safely on the sidewalk.  I once again apologized for the injustice, and said it was time to walk home.  He screamed that we needed to go back, I needed a needle, and he needed the folder. 

"WE NEEDA GO BACK! MOMMY NEEDA NEEDLE! I WANNA FOLDER BACK!"

He willfully sat underneath a bike rack on the sidewalk in a space just between the clinic and a Shopper's Drugmart.  Just as he was screaming, an elderly woman came out of Shopper's Drugmart holding a box of flattened boxes, and a huge bag of Vitamin C.  I only know it was Vitamin C because she dropped the bag twice during our conversation.

She looked at me, she looked at Aias, and it was clear she wasn't leaving.

Lady:  Why is he crying? What did you do to him?

Me: He's upset because we had to leave the doctor's office.

Lady: He's disturbing the peace.

Me:...

Lady: I should call the police.

Me: I don't think they'll arrest him for having a tantrum.
Lady: They'll arrest you for his tantrum.

*Drops her vitamins. I step forward as to help her pick them up, she shoos me away. She picks up the vitamins, mumbling about presents her cat got, which didn't make sense until the next part of the conversation.*

Me:...

Lady: I'm so glad I never became a mother.

Me:...

Lady: I do have a cat. My cat would never behave like this.

Me: We also have a cat.

Lady: Does your cat ever have a birthday?

Me: I suppose yes.

Lady: Well mine does. And he'd never, ever act like this.

Me: Oh ok.... Aias it's really time to go home. I'm very sorry you are upset but let's talk about it at home, please.
Aias was still crying at this point.  The lady bent down to talk to him, so he went and held on to the stroller wheel so I couldn't get away with the baby:


At this point the lady had STILL not gone away.  She was just staring at all of us, waiting for the next move, I guess. 

At this point Aias was screaming STILL... not so much sad but angry, enraged really.  

"WE NEEDA GO BACK! MOMMY NEEDA NEEDLE! I WANNA FOLDER BACK!"

Lady: Why won't he stop. Why is he carrying on like this. Little boy, please stop acting like this. It's rude.  You are being very rude.  Are you sure you didn't do anything to him?

Me: He's just upset about leaving the office, he's three, this is normal.

Lady: Don't give in to it! Little boy, you are being very rude! Wow, my cat would never act like this. I'm so glad I never became a mother.

*Drops her vitamins AGAIN.*

Lady: You could at least help me pick up my vitamins. Rude.
 At this point I just ignored her, and encouraged Aias to come on.  About 90 seconds passed, she said nothing and just stared.  I picked up Aias, propped him on top of the stroller, and left.
 
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Thursday, April 18, 2013

Jane's Mom Doesn't Love Her

We waited a long time for Aias to be able to talk, and once he began to form thoughts and sentences verbally, we were ecstatic. Of course, there are times when Aias has really left us red in the face from things he's said to people.

I met a nice senior lady today while Aias was at preschool and she told me a hilarious story about her own daughter that left her red in the face for years.  It was so funny, I asked her if I could blog about it, and she said of course!

When my kids were growing up, we lived in the suburbs.  My husband worked a 9-5 desk job and I stayed home. I like to think I did a good job of keeping our house neat and tidy, but my top priority was always spending time with my son Andrew and my daughter, Amy.  After school and on the weekends, we all played together as a family.  We built forts, we gardened, we climbed trees, we did science experiments.  If there was anything the kids were curious about, I did my best to find an activity that could answer their questions.  Consequently, there were days when the dishes sat in the sink until the kids went to bed.  The house was sanitary, and it wasn't an embarrassment, but it definitely looked "lived in.  Because we didn't have two incomes, we had one car and modest furniture.  This was around the time when many families started having 2 incomes because both the mother and father worked. While I was trained to be a teacher, I wanted to stay home with my kids. 
When Amy was about 9 she started spending time outside of school with other girls. Some weekends she would have a friend over to our home, and other weekends she'd spend time at a friends home.  All of Amy's friends just happened to be kids whose parents both worked. They all lived in bigger houses than us, had nicer cars, and presumably nicer furniture.  Apparently a few of them even had maids.  She started asking questions about why other family's had nicer this or nicer that, and while I always responded "well, because X's mother works as well, and I stay home to be with you kids."  I could tell it bothered Amy a bit, but she never seemed super upset about it.

One Sunday night after an incredibly busy and frustrating day (unrelated to my children), Amy asked me why her friend Jane's house was so much more clean and tidy than ours. In a sarcastic tone I said "I guess because Jane's mom doesn't love her and would rather clean than spend time with her."  Amy said "Ah, I see." Of  course, I wasn't really thinking and didn't mean it, but it was a knee-jerk response to what I considered to be a criticism to our family and my choice of career. I figured that would be the end of it.


A few days later, I received a call from Amy's teacher, asking me to come in to talk to her about Amy.  Apparently Amy had told her friend Jane that her mom didn't love her and would rather clean than spend time with her.  Jane was very upset to hear this, went home and told her mom, and her mom called Amy's teacher in an outrage. It was incredibly embarrassing. To top it off, Amy and Jane were friends straight through college so I ran into her parents all the time and I never stopped feeling embarassed about it!





 
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Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Introducing a Meme I Created to Make Fun of Myself

I'm at this whole new place in my life where I feel constantly humbled by the people around me (children, other parents, pigeons) so I do my best to laugh at myself when I can.  A huge part of my daily life is interacting with other adults via Facebook when I get the chance, so I see a lot of pictures of people's kids, and I post a lot of Aias.  Whenever I post a photo, I'm embarrassingly careful to not post something contentious for fear of causing Internet outrage or awkwardness. Sometimes I'm shocked at some of the criticisms that I see in the comments of people's pictures, whether they are true or not.

And so, I present to you, a meme I created to make fun of myself and probably some of you.  Not all of the examples below are true of me, but they are true of someone out there.

The meme is:

Well-Meaning Unsolicited-Advice-Giving Internet Mom, and if you think she's hilarious/relevant, you can actually go to The Meme Generator to create your own versions of this meme.

So without further delay, as Aias would say, ta-da!:











 
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Monday, April 15, 2013

What It's Like to Be Around Kids 24/7

I'm feeling a little uninspired today but a few people have suggested I blog about what it's like to have a Family Child Care and be around kids 24/7.  I thought some animated gifs would probably do better justice than any writing I could try to muster up today.

When the kids arrive:

When I've sang the Wheels on the Bus for 30 minutes straight without even realizing it:

What I'm pretty sure the kids think about me with regard to rules about safety:

When all the kids are here and I sit down on the couch to have some water or something:

When the bigger kids look out for the baby:

When we take a field trip to the firehouse to see all the cute firemen, erm, to learn about safety:


When we are attempting to cross the street at the crosswalk and someone doesn't feel like stopping so instead they blast in front of us and give us that douchey little "wave" as if to say they are sorry:

When the kids have to share or at least, not kill each other, over a common toy:


When someone offers all the kids humongous free cookies/lollipops:

When the kids say they want to walk home from the playground entirely backwards the entire way:




When the kids ask if they can cut each others hair:


 When it's nice enough weather to go to the park before AND after lunch/naptime:

When the kids are polite and friendly to pushy strangers on the street:

When someone makes a bizarre comment about why none of the kids I'm walking around with look the same:

When I've made something healthy for lunch, on time, and everyone eats it:


When one of the kids picks something disgusting up off the ground and proudly hands it to me:

How every bug, spider, pigeon, or squirrel probably feels when they see us arrive at Stanley Park:

When the kids repeat something inappropriate they've heard at home:

When 3-year-olds say hilarious things:

When someone doesn't make it to the potty, and it's poop:

When someone DOES make it to the potty, and it's poop:

 How to engage in loving and respectful conversation with babies and toddlers:


What the neighbours probably think is happening in my apartment all day:


When I've gone the whole day without spilling food, baby or toddler goo, or dirt on my clothes:


How I feel right this second when the kids are all on vacation, my son is napping, and I just completed this blog entry:


P.S. These images are from http://www.reactiongifs.com

 
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Friday, April 12, 2013

Lovable Labels Party Packs: The Best Goodie Bag Option EVER!

I wish I'd have invented these myself.

You all know I love Lovable Labels because I've blogged about it a million times.  One thing I do NOT like is giving or receiving junky items at birthday parties.  Sure, the disposable toys are fun for the moment, but they aren't super environmentally friendly and when your kids start attending 3 birthday parties a month, they start to stack up.  I feel terrible throwing them out or recycling them when Aias is done playing with them, too, since someone put thought and money into them.

If you want a really unique  goodie bag items, check out the Lovable Labels Party Packs.

Instead of giving people new little things, give them stickers to put on the awesome stuff they already have. These are great because they are personalized AND incredibly useful. 



Each package comes with  

6 Sticker Labels
2 Shoe Labels8 Press n' Stick Clothing DOTS™1 Mini-Metal Tag (one 4” silver ball chain incld)




The packs come ready to pass out to the kids:




 I would have loved to receive this at a birthday party. So, are you planning a party or event? Imagine how special your guests will feel when they receive something made just for them! Check out these New Party Packs! http://www.lovablelabels.ca/index.aspx
 
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Tuesday, April 9, 2013

How To Make a 30 Minute Walk Take 3 Hours

Since I'm not an expert in this area, I figured I'd pass the blog over to my three-year-old who is, in fact, an expert at how you can make a 30 minutes walk take 3 hours.

 Strategy One:  Look at these bits of grass. Aren't they beautiful? Run your fingers through them all, count every one.  Stuff a few in your pockets, but only if other adults are around to see you pulling things out of someone else's planter.
Strategy One

Strategy Two:  If you've walked 10 feet forward, walk 5 feet back.  Look for a construction vehicle and watch it for at least 10 straight minutes.  If anyone tries to encourage you to go faster, cry... cry a lot.  If anyone tries to carry you away, don't hesitate to yell things like "stop hurting me" or "don't touch me." 
Strategy Two

Strategy Three: If walking back 5 feet for every 10 feet you walk forward doesn't seem to be slowing you down enough, do not walk forward at all: walk backward entirely.  Very, very slowly.
Strategy Three


Strategy Four: If you are still struggling to slow down the duration of the trip, drop your pants.  Pretend it was an accident, because after all, these things can happen.  This is another time when loudly screamed phrases like "stop hurting me" and "don't touch me" work well.  Innocent smiles also work well in this situation.
Strategy Four

Strategy Five: When all else fails, simply flat-out refuse to walk.  Hell, find a nice lawn and lay down on it.  It absolutely doesn't matter if you know whose lawn it is, in fact, strange lawns are best.  Extra points if there are signs on the lawn that say "please don't touch our garden" or "keep your pets off our beautiful grass."  Speaking of the grass, count the bladess. Find a few ants, mame them, and ask your mom to fix them for you.  
Strategy Five

Strategy Six: Remain in the stationary horizontal position for as long as possible, or until someone offers you brownies and ice cream for dinner, and says you can watch any movie you want while eating it.
Strategy Six

These strategies, when combined, will guarantee to at least triple the total expected duration of any trip.  Never lose sight of the fact that your parents don't actually NEED to be anywhere, because as long as they are with you, they are already at the centre of the Universe.


 
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