Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Day Three

Right now Aias is asleep on my chest... that's PRETTY MUCH the only way I will be able to use the internet in the foreseeable future, haha.

I wrote out a birth story but Morgan insists on adding his own bits to it so that it's *perfect* which I think is really adorable. In any case, I will have to post it later.

I can't even tell you how much I love Morgan and Aias. I'm telling you, despite the fact that I've had 6-8 hours of sleep total since Sunday at 4:30am and I can barely keep track of the time of day or day of the week, I am in absolutely heaven. Morgan is the most amazing boyfriend and father. I swear he was born to be a dad. I am so grateful to have him and I know that Aias is too. I've never seen someone so naturally paternal in my life. Without him I would probably have gone insane in the last few days.

Let me try to recap the last few days... I can't believe it's actually Wednesday...

After Aias was born we were put into a nice private room at the Women's and Children's Hospital for the night. We were supposed to leave the next day at 8am, but over night Aias was having trouble maintaining his temperature so they kept wrapping him in heated blankets, taking his temperature every 30 minutes to log it, and he spent about 4 hours in an infant heater. The first time I went and sat with him while Morgan slept, and the second time Morgan went and sat with him while I slept. We pretty much each got 2 hours of sleep that night, probably a little bit less. And that was after the whole labouring fiasco, so it was a bit crazy. The night was also filled with feedings, nurses dropping in, etc. I wanted to go home REALLY badly. The next morning the doctor said she would discharge us at 2pm if Aias could maintain his temperature. He did thank goodness, and we were able to be discharged at 2pm and were probably home by 3:15 or something (it took forever for us to perfect the whole car seat thing, and Morgan drove SO slowly home). Anyway, during the morning hours we just fed and kept Aias warm, and for an hour or so Morgan went home to walk the dog. My aunts and grandparents and cousin came to meet him, and it was a huge relief for me because instead of me holding him, I got to pass him over to someone else while I went to the bathroom and took a shower and all that good stuff. That made the wait to go home MUCH easier. By the time we were able to be discharged, we were SO ready.

That afternoon Aias got to meet one set of his grandparents, Morgan's parents, who are Grandpa and Grandma Dalman. I think they really liked him =)

That first night... oh my God... I knew it would be difficult so before it even began I called my doctor to get a "first night pep talk." I was worried Aias wasn't getting enough milk, I was worried because he was crying, his jaundice was concerning me, we were both worried about maintaining his temperature, we were scared he would be too hot or too cold or would die of SIDS from his bassinet, every time I changed his diaper I was convinced I would clean too hard and his balls or penis would fall off, etc, etc. Not to mention that NONE of his clothes fit him because everyone was saying to get very few 0-3 month clothes and NO newborn clothes. We have LOTS of 0-3 month clothes, and about 4 newborn items, but even the newborn items are too big on him. He only weighs 6lbs 1oz after his initial post-birth weight loss, so he's SOOO small. His smallness was terrifying and Morgan was way too scared to even lift him. The night basically played out with us feeding and changing and burping him constantly, and every time we transitioned from one activity to the next he would just SOB hysterically, shake, turn red, get really upset. It was terrifying! He ended up only being happy if he was skin to skin with me, and we couldn't really sleep that way for fear of suffocating or crushing him, so in the end I had stayed up until about 7am sitting with him while Morgan slept for 1 hour, and at some point that morning I think I got about 30 minutes of sleep for myself.

Night #2 was pretty much like the first, but we had better coping strategies to deal with it all and Morgan now has a lot of confidence in holding the baby. That made it 100x easier! Day 2 (yesterday) was as well... the good thing about last night though was that we had our Centering Pregnancy Group, and 4 people were there with babies! We told birth stories and talked about newborns, and it was just generally nice to be able to socialize. Last night was easier, but I'm still getting less sleep than I want to be.

Morgan is the best help EVER... you know, I can't even say that he "helps" me because it isn't like that... we are both completely splitting this parenting thing down the middle. He's so interested in the baby, he's totally intuitive to my needs and the needs of the baby, he will do anything we need done, and life is just really, really good in general. This morning he biked to Babies R Us because my milk was coming in and I really wanted a breast pump and we both wanted to get the Angelcare Sound and Breathing Monitor so we could sleep with a little more peace. It must have been so bizarre to see a guy coming in by himself and putting down $200 for a breast pump and $150 for a baby monitor, haha. He said everyone kept asking who they were for or if he was going to a baby shower, haha.

My milk came in this morning and I was in SO MUCH PAIN. I can honestly say that I was hoping Breast Feeding would be easier and/or more enjoyable. It was really easy to BF him right after he was born because they are so willing, but that Sunday night at the hospital when I was getting mixed messages from nurses on how to BF and he was wrapped in like 5 blankets at a time really screwed me up. For one feeding this nurse was like MASHING his face into my boobs, and he was tearing up my nipples so that they were raw. His latch is better now but I still have the pains from before. Aias also didn't seem super interested in eating, or very hungry at all. I mean, he would do it, but he would fall asleep so I kept having to blow on him, etc. I wanted to keep the milk coming, so I kept having to hand express, and hand expression sucks. Until this morning Aias wasn't keeping up, and I was getting nervous my milk would never come in or he would starve. I called the doctor for another pep talk, and they assured me it would be ok. A few hours later the milk came in full force!!! Aias was still fairly uninterested, so the milk pump was to be my backup. In a few minutes I'm going to test out my new breast pump and put a bit in the freezer. Of course, as of like 4pm today Aias decided he likes boobs, so who knows how often I will need it at this point *eyeroll*. Oh well, I'm sure it will come in handy in some unforeseen situations.

Morgan's cooking dinner now and Aias is asleep on my chest. I'm hoping to check email and stuff before the tiny crying gnome wakes up again =)

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